Beyond Perfection: A Journey to Authentic Parenting
This book casts a light on life and the diverse emotional experiences we all share as humans. I've revisited it multiple times, uncovering new insights with each read. It delves into themes of love, joy, gratitude, shame, pain, fear, empathy, vulnerability, and more. If there’s an emotion you've grappled with, you’ll likely find resonance in its pages. It's truly a treasure!
I discovered this gem after becoming a parent, and it’s parenting that's driven me into a new realm of personal growth. The kind that makes you reflect deeply and pose challenging questions to yourself as you tread uncharted territory. There's a well-known saying that ‘parenting doesn’t come with a manual’, often shared with humour to mask the uncertainty and self-doubt that come from navigating the immense responsibility of raising another human life. We all might chuckle or disguise our distress with a wry smile, but inside, many of us simply want to find a private corner to shed a tear, out of sight of our children.
Books by Brené and Gabor have significantly influenced my journey as I navigate these unfamiliar paths. As a parent to more than one child, each unique in their ways, my journey involves managing a whirlwind of emotions every day and confronting tough questions about reshaping my past. Yet, I remain reminded of the significance of the present moment.
Wholehearted Living
Before engaging with this book, the concept of wholehearted living was foreign to me. I didn’t know what it meant to live my life from a standpoint of worthiness, where each day begins and ends with this recognition. I recall placing overwhelming pressure on myself after my first child's birth—to maintain a spotless home, prepare meals, ensure the best for my baby, including ironing countless baby clothes, while also being fully present. Any mother starting from day one understands the impossibility of this list. It’s unfeasible to juggle all these tasks while truly being there for your baby. Nevertheless, I equated this to the measure of my love. On reflection, I realised these standards were externally influenced. I feared judgment for not fulfilling these 'perfect' actions supposedly for my baby, even though it was draining me, which ironically compromised the quality of my presence and care.
I've come to terms with embracing imperfection, a journey that remains challenging due to societal norms resisting deviation from perfectionism—a trait we often confuse with genuine belonging. Fitting in is externally driven, whereas belonging nurtures internally.
In my quest to fit in, I occasionally lost sight of the present—the irreplaceable moments like lingering in a cuddle with my baby or nourishing myself to be patient during another cycle of brief naps and cries. These would spiral into guilt over fatigue and how I expressed it in moments of frustration. It becomes a relentless cycle that diminishes self-love. This book opened my eyes to how relying on external validation fuels a state of warding off judgment. Shame can't exist without judgment, and feeling shame makes recognising worthiness impossible. (Brené’s research on shame has fascinatingly uncovered how it prevents us from living authentically.)
I’ve learned that to live wholeheartedly, I must release the chains that hold me back. It requires living and loving from a place of worthiness, embracing vulnerability. As a parent, it means allowing myself and my children to truly see and understand me, a journey made possible by understanding the influence of fear and shame. I wish to share how this unfolds in my parenting journey and invite you to share your experiences with me.